The Good, the Bad, and the Analog
The good old days of living an analog life… The good ol’ days! A time when even the simplest activities could feel an awful lot like major life events. Want to adjust the TV volume? Well, first, you had to locate the rightful clicker. (Who was the last one seen with it?) Then, find the on-off button on the actual TV, and turn it down in a way that wouldn’t incur any remark about how this household resumes its rightful place in the generations-long war against decibel levels. Making the choice to listen to actual music instead of a day’s worth of recorded digital sounds could be likened in intensity and drama, both assignment-wise and on the to-do list, to preparing for a special electoral primary in a swing state. And turning the record over when in the right part of the part of the right sequence was, looking back, a covert way of saving the job of the domestic dishwasher.
Circling toys in catalogs
This was the original Amazon wish list and marking territory as if one were laying claim to a family inheritance.
Mom interrupting your AOL session for a phone call
Your online social kingdom fell apart with one sharp “I need the phone!” that was followed by the devastating sound of the modem being disconnected.
Using real maps to find your way
These folded paper behemoths turned automobile travel into family skirmishes.
One misplacement and you could commandeer the map to argue that, no, we were not lost, because we’d already passed the and were on our way to whatever was next.
The wrath of Blockbuster & rewinding VHS tapes
Rewind, or prepare to wear the late fee’s scarlet letter: “Be kind, rewind.”
Saturday morning cartoons
There was nothing to compare with Saturday morning cartoons.
One woke up early, planted oneself in front of the TV with a bowl of sugary cereal, and soaked in hours of animated glory before one was thrust back into the real world.
Frustration of cassette tapes getting mangled
Cassette tapes getting twisted up was really frustrating. When a song you loved came out of a ruined tape, you wanted to stop time and fix it, but the amount of effort and the discipline required to make a cassette sound right again. That was as close to working a miracle as you could get, unless you were Sir Edmund Hillary or Gandhi.
If the tape were dinner, you’d hope and pray it was al dente, because anything else was likely to end up in some vague gone-to-seed sub-Gordon Ramsay kitchen nightmare.
When parents trusted their kids to survive the day
When I was a kid, my parents trusted me to survive the day.
They didn’t give me cell phones or tracking apps; they just had faith that I wouldn’t wander into traffic or befriend a questionable drifter. Compaired to today, there was a different kind on “necessary trust” with the outcome of some kind of terrible headline. But no one was making that kind of headline back then.
Committing to plans without phones to backtrack
Being obliged to stick to arrangements without the means of reversing them via mobile devices. You attended, or you did not. If you skipped out, your friends acted as if you were not alive until the weekend was over and the next Monday dawned.
Myspace
It wasn’t merely a type of social media; it functioned as a creative outlet, a status symbol platform for shuffling your top friends in a passive-aggressive manner.
Checking the coin return of pay phones for forgotten coins
The final windfall for impoverished youths.
Hearing a wayward quarter fall out and then finding it was enough to make a person feel like they were better off even if was just for a few seconds.
MTV when it was about music
Music videos were a form of art, and MTV was the Louvre.
Now it’s merely a destination where the network’s reality programming goes to die.
Buying full albums for the sake of one song
This was the basic bet. You either uncovered its treasures or laid blame on the group’s doorstep for your near bankruptcy.
Nine planets in the solar system
We still haven’t healed from the wound that was Pluto’s demotion. It deserved better.
Making snack runs during ad breaks
This was cardio, adrenaline, and strategy all in one. The stakes? Not being able to see your beloved program.
Taking pictures and waiting to get them developed
Each click of the throwaway camera carried the weight of uncertain destiny.
Had you really seized the instant, or was it merely someone caught mid-blink?
Binge-watching meant hoarding VHS tapes.
There was no Netflix, only the merry mayhem of recording, of labeling, and of praying your younger brother didn’t tape over your favorite programs.
Card catalogs in libraries
The efficiency of the Dewey Decimal System. Using one felt like enjoying the chance of a lifetime. If you found the book, you were a fool who had just won a contest and would promptly collect your prize.
If you didn’t find the book, well, you were a card catalog loser enjoying some new, unexpected free time because you clearly weren’t meant to read whatever it was you were looking for.
Blockbuster
Snagging the last new release certainly was an electrifying experience, but nothing could compare to the smell of popcorn that perfumed the air in movie rental shops.
And let’s not forget the steady hum of voices debating the merits of one film over another.
Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat at arcades
Arcades were places where victories in Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat were celebrated. They were like world championships; defeat, however, meant eternal shame… or at least until your next quarter.
To slam a landline receiver in anger
Hanging up was a skill; it required deftness to achieve the right degree of finality.
To achieve the desired punctuation (“click”) or dramatic flourish (“slam”), one had to know the dividers and the artificiality of the two in-between states (hefting and holding) and the one way to make a landline phone sound like a speech was over.
Living without instant answers to questions
Existing without immediate responses to inquiries. If you were unknowing, you were just… unknowing. The emptiness of not knowing could extend for hours, days, or until someone looked up an answer in an encyclopedia.
Standing alone at the movies, wondering if your friend forgot you
Being at the movies by yourself, wondering if your friend has, in fact, forgotten you.
No updates to the texts you have sent. No calls from your friend. Just you and the empty lobby, feeling like an unselected, unloved, and very wobbly choice.
Those were the Days
Life in the modern era may be convenient and sleek, but occasionally, it may seem we have sacrificed all the independency for efficiency. I guess that is how things have generationally been since the dawn of human-kind. The thrill of searching through a card catalog may resemble Indiana Jones looking for the Ark of the Covenant. The unspoken camaraderie of rewinding VHS tapes before returning them may know no bounds except the shame of being branded a non-rewinder. Small tasks carried such a big payoff back in the ’80s and ’90s. Every visit to a public library, Blockbuster Video, or any other analog institution. Still, those were the days. They were not perfect, but they were messy, human, analog, and real.
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